The Spectrum Cafe

Reposted from my personal blog, That’s What Ze Said.

There are so many things destructive to the trans community, but the one getting to me worst lately is the idea of the ideal or singular trans experience. By this, I mean the idea that there is one way to be trans and if you do not fit this model, you are an imposter/going through a phase/just plain not trans. I’ve seen this idea ranging from “you have to know you are trans as a child” to “you must want medical transition.” to whatever else this certain person believes is the litmus test for trans identity. And what really gets me is how much I have seen this internalized within the trans community itself. Sure, lots of cisfolk believe you must have some certain trait to really be trans, but a lot of transfolk believe this too.

Recently a friend of mine told me this sort of thinking kept him in denial about his trans-ness for years. He believed that all trans people MUST hate anything associated with their assigned sex and gender, and that because he doesn’t feel this way that he would eventually grow out of it. He had internalized the idea that there is one true way to be trans and he was not it. Of course when he told me this I verbally slapped him upside the head, since he would expect no less of me. (You gotta keep those thoughts from coming back somehow)

Earlier tonight, I was told by a trans woman that only certain people should be on hormones. Her reasoning was that some people get on hormones for “cosmetic” reasons, and others for “medical” ones. Of course, those she deemed to be doing it for cosmetic reasons had not earned the right to be on hormones. Medical transition, in her mind, was only for those with DSM-verified GID. Pointing out to her that this created ridiculous hurdles, and excluded large chunks of the trans community lead to statements about how hormones were not for “recreational” use. I shudder to think if some newly-out trans person was reading that and felt that though they wanted hormones, they did not fit the category of people deserving them.

One thing I notice quite often in all the various theories I see is that it tends to be as binary-upholding as possible. These tests tend to police the genders of transfolks. Trans men are supposed to be masculine, trans women are supposed to be feminine and non-binary folks are either confused, freakish or somehow stealing trans identity from the real transfolks. They also tend to place an emphasis on making transfolks blend neatly back into society after transition.* An example of this is the idea that we are supposed to have body dysphoria and see surgery and hormones as the only way of coping.** This leads me to believe that these are internalized strongholds of the cis-patriarchy. Not only do they uphold the patriarchal views on gender, but they uphold cissexist ones as well.

To me, what the community needs to do is be more accepting of all the various ways in which trans identities exist. Community is about having each other’s backs when the world is against us. We spend too much time justifying ourselves to the rest of the world. We should not have to then do it to our trans siblings.

And perhaps I am focusing too much on the trans side of this issue. I mean, where do we get these ideas? From the cis medical establishment, which forces us into neat boxes it can categorize. From hearing only one story ever told by the cis media, which then sensationalizes our lives. From countless (even well-intentioned) cis friends, loved ones, family who question us. Perhaps this focus on the trans community is itself my own internalized “blame the victim” type thinking. But regardless of where we get these ideas, we need to stop upholding them. We need to move past these ideas to break the cycle of “more trans than thou” infighting.

*Not that there is anything wrong with people who do this/want to do this.

**Again, nothing wrong with medical transition! My issue is compulsory transition.